My dreams of a New Caledonia as a land flowing with Wiseman's milk and the black honey of North Sea oil have got a right good trampling.
The Tory, Unionist mouthpiece that is the BBC have announced that there has been a sharp decline in production of oil and gas from under British waters and that this is "worrying" industry leaders.
Worrying industry leaders! It's got me keekin' my XXL tartan underpants!!
That's a bloody disaster.
Maybe Kemp and the pointy heads are right. Maybe North Sea oil production will fall to a measly 125,000 brls per day by 2030. Maybe they are right about oil extraction from the North Sea becoming unviable by the time our children reach pension age.
All this and an end to Scotland's £ 5.5bn annual share of UK tax revenues from London's financial sector.
What on earth am I to do??
Well, first and foremost we'll be saying nothing at all to the proles. Meantime, I'll have to look elsewhere to fund the burgeoning Scottish pension bill.
Wind and wave power? Well, even the simple minded have worked out that these pillars of inefficiency couldn't generate enough electricity to run the Christmas lights in George Square.
The coal's been decommissioned and my Free Caledonia wouldn't be able to afford nuclear.
No, it's time to look at fracking. I'm mean let's face it, if we can extract billions of £s worth of oil and gas by fracturing the ground under Ayrshire then who's going to complain? And if Ayrshire then turns into a landscape reminiscent of the surface of Mars then, frankly, who's going to be able to tell the difference.
Yes my fellow freedom fighters. Fracking is the new North Sea Oil!
