SELLING THE JERSEYS

Morning Minions

How is your great leader today I hear you ask. Well, I couldn't be happier if someone gave me the chance of a supermarket sweep in the Tunnocks Teacake factory.

The UK Govt have published another in depth report on the currency options for my Free Caledonia and no one has read it. That's just braw.

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/191786/ScotlandAnalysis_acc-1.pdf

You know my motto - ignorance is bliss.

The pointy heads have set out 114 pages of detailed and, to be fair, very readable analysis on my options namely continued us of the £, entering the € or, finally, adopting the brand new Skinto.

Options! Who do they think they are kidding? Nobody gives the great Bravebelly options. What I want I get and I want the £.

OK, a while ago I wanted the € but I've changed my mind.  I want the £ and I want it now.

With that in mind I decided to grant an audience at my Bute House residence to the BBC's Teddy Bear Taylor. Like me, he's no stranger to Greggs the Bakers so we should get along just fine.

Me:"Welcome to Bute House Brian. How do you like it?"

 Teddy Bear: " It's very nice First Minister"

Me:"It is indeed Brian. Obviously I'll have to extend the place once I become President of Scotland and am in here for good. The kitchen's a wee bit on the small side for example. Would you like to see it?"

Teddy Bear: "Er, perhaps another time. I was wondering if we could start the interview."

Me:" Of course Brian."

Teddy Bear: "How come you have changed your mind from the € to the £?"

Me."Well the sight of these poor Cypriots lining up outside their banks didn't do a lot for the credibility of that plan and besides,  I was never too keen on having to get approval for all my public spending from the torn faced Angela Merkel. I simply changed my mind. And so Brian, my cuddly wee pal, I now want the £ and if the rest of the UK knows what's good for them they'll give it to me on the terms dictated by my good self."

Teddy Bear: "Do you honestly believe that 10% of the UK economy can dictate terms to the 90%?"

Me: "Yup".

Teddy Bear: "But in reality the UK Govt would have complete control of the £. You will have none. It would insist on strict spending controls and would almost certainly refuse to be a lender of last resort should another Fred the Shred emerge from the woodwork or there is a dip in oil prices and/or production meaning you can't meet your public spending commitments."

Me:"You're blethering Brian. Have another teacake."

Teddy Bear: "Instead of being a fully insured and participating partner in the £, you are proposing that the Scottish people give up ownership of their own currency for exactly the same subservient relationship that they would have within the €.  That’s not exactly independence is it?

Me: "Now look here son. I invited you round here for a nice wee chat and a few teacakes. Not a lesson in reason."

Teddy Bear: "But the logic of following the £ means that you are weakening Scotland's position of power. In reality Scotland becomes totally at the mercy of the Bank of England. It makes no sense at all. It's the equivalent of Texas voting to leave the US $ and become like Panama. What on earth are you thinking about?"

Me (lost in thought at this underlings inane babblings): "General Noriega actually........I quite liked him".