A BIT RICH

Herding cats. That's what it's like working with this Yes Campaign mob. First it was Fox, Canavan et al contradicting me on my £ sterling currency policy by calling for me to introduce a separate currency for my independent Scotland - or the "Barnes Wallis Skinto" as it's termed in these parts.

Now we've got Monaco based, income tax exile Jim McBlowhard suggesting that I could abolish capital gains tax and set corporation tax at 3% below the UK rate.

Now that's a bit rich coming from him. He hasn't paid any UK income tax in years and it's no coincidence that his company would benefit greatly from these two tax cuts. But how would I pay for all that and how would I sell it to my core left wing supporters? And anyway, what's the point when corporate giants like Amazon, Starbucks and Google dodge local corporation tax almost completely? Moreover, if I adopt the £ and therefore have to get my annual budgets approved by London, then my economists tell me that it would be "inconceivable" that Westminster would let me away with those tax policies. I mean, it's all very well pontificating on Scottish Government policy from the luxury of Monaco but I'm the poor sod who'd have to make the thing work, and adopting what is effectively a Tory based business policy isn't going to cut the mustard with my nationalist minions. No Jim. Stick to watching the cars go round and round the streets of your tax haven and leave the business of government to the big lads.

Now, what's all this about emigration post a Yes vote? Given that eventuality, Sir Chris Hoy has threatened to hop on his racing bike and peddle hard for Manchester. So be it. He was always too much of a team player for me. Next up, I see the Tory, Unionist propagandists at the BBC are peddling a story about 300,000 young Irish people emigrating from the economically diminished Republic of Ireland. Their clear intention is to draw an analogy with the prospect of a similarly diminished economy in my New Mediaeval Scotland, especially once the oil dries up in 2050.

Now all that brain drain stuff may be true but the question you have to ask yourself is whether or not we actually need bright, young and ambitious people who want to succeed on a global stage. Let them go and work for what would be an even more London centric UK. Let them go to the most integrated and cosmopolitan cities and leave us to our divorced cottage industries and dreams of converting heather into biomass.

Shortbread or finance? I know what I prefer.