TERMINUS

Well that was a bloody disaster.

A morning spent in a bus factory in Falkirk with Princess Nicola by my side and a bunch of cynical workers firing darts at my glossy new brochure entitled "The Darien Scheme 2014."

I mean, it was supposed to be a case of turning up and getting a few pictures taken. No one told me about the questions. I hate questions.

"How can an independent Scotland hope to avoid taking its £ 150 bn share of UK National Debt?"

"What would be an independent Scotland's plan if the Bank of England refused to underwrite that debt?"

"What happens when the oil runs out in 2050?"

"What will you do if RBS and HBOS leave for London?"

"Why on earth would you give up Scotland's control of the £ and hand it over to a unilateral Bank of England?".

For the sake of Boaby Bruce. These are supposed to be workies. They shouldn't be able to ask me questions like this!

Nicola the Naive obviously had another flakey. She started wittering on about spending even more millions on welfare because too many Scots live in poverty due to the policies of the hated English. Poverty! I'll show her poverty. I'm shipping her off to my mate in Malawi to see what real poverty is all about. Or Ireland, either will do.

But no, the questions kept coming.

"How can you hope to set up an Oil Fund when you'd be running an annual deficit?"

"Why won't you tell us what the EU have said about an independent Scotland becoming a member of the Eurozone?"

"How many pies do you eat every week?"

Now I could answer that one. Cheeky git.

"How can political divorce possibly help trade between Scotland and the rest of the UK, especially when you admit that we are utterly dependent on that cross border trade for our economic health?"

"Would Scotland's economy grow faster or slower if it was an independent country? If so then how?"

"In an independent Scotland what would be the main drivers of economic growth over the next 50 - 100 years?"

"How would an independent Scotland meet it's public sector spending needs as North Sea oil declines over the next 20 - 30 years?"

"Can you demonstrate if and how renewable energy could replace declining oil and gas reserves?"

"Why are you wobbling?"

I bloody well was wobbling. Proper furious.

"How can you claim to be able to undercut rUK and German on corporation tax when you won't own your own currency and will therefore need to get budget approval from either Westminster or Brussels?"

Right, that was enough. Bloody workers. Call my chauffeur.