LAYING THE GHOST

At last some good news.

My copy of "Scotland's Future: The Economics of Constitutional Change" was delivered to Bute House today and I managed to have a wee shufty in between rants down the phone to the timber laden Dear Joan.

Crivens. I was bored stiff after three pages of this stodge. I haven't been so bored since Donald Dewar's inauguration speech as Scotland's first, First Minister.........not that I'm bitter about Donald you understand.

Bitter about that lucky, Labour opportunist getting all the glory (and a statue) for bringing devolution to Scotland and my consequent resignation as party leader the following year. No, I'm not bitter at all. [Wobble]

So why am I so cheery? Well, because, whilst the content of "Scotland's Future" is well researched, even handed and highly intellectually credible, most Scots won't get past the first few pages. Most 16 and 17 year olds won't get past the front cover! Reading it is like eating hay - something the Unionist scaremongers claim we'll all be doing when the oil runs out.

Our modern desire for soundbites and spoon fed gobbets of easily understood information means that the problems, complexities and uncertainties surrounding my dream of a Free Caledonia will never trouble the synapses of 99% of Scots. The currency problems, the dire economic consequences, the fiscal dilemmas.

Take the chapter written by my old nemesis Professor John Kay entitled "Currency and Monetary Policy Options for an Independent Scotland".

* He points out that adopting the £ or the Euro would necessarily entail agreement of terms from the far more powerful partners to whom we would be wholly subservient, powerless and dependent.

* He correctly points out that financial markets, businesses and individuals would immediately destabilise my Skinto or any other currency change that presented risk or opportunity to them. In short, I'd be like Norman Lamont on Black Wednesday.

* He recalls the ugly memory of the Irish pound which some will remember traded at a discount to the UK £ making everything you bought in Ireland more expensive and the Irish pound unusable in the rest of the UK.

* He points out that Free Caledonia's £ 4bn share of the UK's foreign exchange reserves would be woefully inadequate to maintain a currency peg to the £ leaving us with a weakened currency at the mercy of the markets.

* He points out the absurdity of joining the Euro at a time when many, including the Germans, wish they could get out.

* He successfully argues that the best option for Scotland on currency would be the status quo.

All completely valid points but, as he himself admits, this referendum is not about the best economic outcome for Scotland. It's about politics and about my personal quest to settle matters with Donald Dewar's legacy by freeing my nation from English thrall. Raw and flawed emotion over sound common sense.

The fact that no one in Scotland is going to read this book is pure dead brilliant!