FROZEN ASSETS

Warriors!

I bring spectacular news. Not of yesterday's meeting with the evil Sheriff Cameron of Bullingdon. That was largely a waste of time as he failed to pay me the level of respect due to me, The Voice of the Scottish People and the Common Weal (to quote my predecessor William Wallace).

No. I bring you news of an important solution to our dwindling reserves of oil and gas. Antarctica my friends. Antarctica.

It turns out that Tony Bliar's government accidentally devolved control of the UK's rights to it's Antarctic territories to Scotland in 1998.

It turns out that the 660,000 square miles of the Antarctic known as the South Shetland and South Orkney Islands is rich in reserves of oil and gas, and, my friends, it is all ours.

Now, getting the stuff out of the ground and building a pipeline from the South Shetlands to Grangemouth may prove rather tricky not to mention expensive. I certainly wouldn't want to ask BP, Shell or any of these other Tory led PLC's to take the thick end of the profits to drill and pipe my oil.

So, I have a better solution.

Should the Referendum vote go against us then I propose that the entire SNP membership moves down there. After all, there will be no point in any of us hanging around here if economic reason defeats our nationalist bandwagon.

Just think, we could use all that oil and gas to build an even bigger, more expensive Panda House than Holyrood. We could have trams linking the furthest parts of the territory (except the airport of course). There would be no books, no economists and no opposition - apart from the odd penguin, walrus or polar bear.

And the best bit?

I, Bravebelly, would be master of all I survey. True freedom my friends, thousands of miles away from global recession and the manipulating tentacles of the Westminster Junta.

It is a prospect that any self respecting Scot must truly wish for.