THE MAN WHO KICKED THE HORNET'S NEST

Good Morning Warriors

As you know I am comfortably the finest politician of my generation and one of the reasons for this is my unique foresight.

And, I hear you ask, what problems do I spy on the horizon for my New Mediaeval Scotland?

Well, we're not going to talk about £ 14bn annual deficit, Big John Swindly's sieve like plans for a meaningful cut in Corporation Tax or the vastly increased interest rates on my sterling pegged Skinto Bonds because that's boring............and anyway, I don't have any answers that wouldn't send my data shy followers into mortgage meltdown.

However, strictly between you and I, there is one little issue that is beginning to bother me, namely those god forsaken islands that sit to the north of Scotland and which form a central part of my soon to be realised Oil bonanza.

I'm talking about Shetland and Orkney my friends.

Shetland and Orkney became part of Scotland in 1469, when they were pawned to the Scottish crown as part of a dowry payment from the King of Norway and Denmark to James III of Scotland. The islands were to be returned to Denmark, and until that time Norse Udal laws would remain in place. But Scotland reneged on the deal. In1669, ignoring the pawned condition of the islands, Charles II made an attempt to remedy the situation with his Act of Annexation. The legal situation as it had existed in 1469 was restored in 1669 and, although the term had yet to be been coined, the islands were declared Crown Dependencies. In the 1707 Act of Union the1669 Act was directly contravened and Shetland and Orkney emerged magically as counties of Scotland.

A small territory bullied by a distrusted and more powerful neighbour. Sounds all too familiar doesn't it. I simply can't understand why some of them can't they see the huge prospective benefits of staying part of my New Mediaeval Scotland?

Stirring up nationalistic division through irrelevant historical grievances may be one of my great skills but we can't be having any of that shenanigans taking place up there. Oh, no.

Why, because much of our oil comes ashore in Shetland and my plan is to cover the place with Scottish wind and wave farms. It's our wind and they are our waves!

Consequently, I'm sending Dear Joan, my Head of Wasteland Security, up there to take a list of "anti Scottish"names and addresses.

After all, its what any right minded "Gauleiter" would do under the circumstances.