Morning All
Our SNP Minister for Sport Senga McRubbish has just handed me the exciting 2015 sporting fixture list for our New Mediaeval Scotland, all of which will be screened on Uncle Rupert Murdoch's new soaraway Scottish Broadcasting Channels:
July: The Open to Choppers Golf Championship
Venue: Royal Whitfield, Dundee (Handicap limit 18)
This replaces the British Open Golf Championship which will now be played over the links courses of England, Wales and Ireland. And besides, St Andrews was sold to the Chinese at the end of 2014 to pay for the admin costs associated with freeing our nation from English thrall.
August: The New Mediaeval SPL Opening Day
With the demise of Rangers FC and Heart of Lithuania FC the league will welcome two of Ayrshire's finest footballing names, Auchinleck Trouble and Cumknock Ultimate Fighters. They have enjoyed a mutual hatred going back for decades and by televising the thuggery and vitriol of this famous fixture the SBC executives feel that this is a perfect replacement for the Old Firm Derby. Commentary by Archie McTurtleheid
September: The Scottish Grand Prix
Venue: Central Park, Cowdenbeath
This replaces our involvement in the British F1 Grand Prix at Silverstone and will involve 10 laps of stock car racing at the famous Central Park. Commentary by Jackie Stewart.
October: The Six Free Nations Rugby
Scotland, Slovakia, Romania, Greece, Portugal and Albania battle it out to win the chance to play Georgia for a place in the 2015 Rugby World Cup. With Andy Robinson having been deported by Joan McAggro, Scotland will be under the watchful, attack minded eye of new coach Gregor Deadend
November: The Moray and District Curling Championships
Venue: A frozen pond near Elgin
Get your tickets early for this one. A crowd of tens is expected to pack this one out.
December: Live Seal Clubbing from Scottish Antarctica
An exciting new addition to the SBC schedule and available in magnificent 3D to SBC Premium Subscribers ( an extra 125 Skintos per month)
January: Nothing happening
February: Nothing at all happening
March: The East Lothian Lobster Pot Championships
As riveting as sport can get. Commentary by Dougie Donnelly.
April: The New Mediaeval Scotland Archery Championships
Please note that this event is mandatory for all Scots aged between 16 and 45 and is a vital precaution against an invasion from our hated southern neighbour. NB Bring your own bow and arrows.
May: The All Scotland Skinty Finals
Benefits claimants from all parts of Scotland converge in a seedy adult club in Pollockshields to see who has successfully claimed the most benefits over the past year. Violence and injustice guaranteed. All at your expense. Commentary team led by Tommy Sheraton (parole dependent).
June: Brit Baiting
Venue: Dalmarnock
Dear Joan McAggro releases six Unionist sympathisers into the East End of Glasgow and cameras follow them to see how long they live. Commentary by Dear Joan McAggro.
My dear friend Bravebelly.
ReplyDeleteOur families have fought alongside each other for centuries it was our brave worriers that held off those hopeless Romans and forced them to build Hadrian’s wall, it was the brave ancestors of the Bravebelly clan that ran them off and banished them back to England soon after the wall was completed, but now I can assure you that if Scotland gain their independence your people can trust that the great and reliable Greeks will help to rebuild this impenetrable divide, you’re people can rest assured that we will cream off as much money as we can from those bloody and barbaric Germans that have foolishly given us lots of cash that we have no intention to repay, It has already been agreed by us that the foolish Germans will also bail out Scotland, but they have no idea about this or just how much this will cost them, but don’t worry we have lots of tricks.
Off course we have put aside sufficient funds to pay for the wall and several tunnels, there are still a few people south of the great divide that like to eat haggis and we will need to smuggle some over the border to help the economy.
My friend Bravebelly I look forward to the day we hold our clubs a high once again on the links of Scotland.
Your friend
Kobulus Kostelus