Followers, you will no doubt be aware of my recent and tireless efforts traveling the globe, conducting important discussions on trade between our soon to be free nation and the power players of the world economy.
First I secured a historic agreement with China. A trade deal of such enormity that it promises to regenerate the whole of Central Scotland. Yes, of course, I'm referring to the loan agreement for our very own Fur Balls of Fun, the pandas Sunshine and Sweetie. The cuddly duo will bring thousands of gawping bairns into Edinburgh Zoo. Just think of the extra sales of fizzy pop and fat filled confectionery. Just think of the incremental thousands that will come through in parking fines. That's economic dynamism for you.
And there's more, last night I was engaged in a long, hard negotiation with our Scandinavian brothers Norway. They are drilling 2.8m barrels of oil per day and with the UK's oil production - sorry, Scotland's oil production - falling to 250k barrels per day by 2022 we are going to have to get cosy with the canny Norwegians.
I sat late into the night with their representative Mr Clawfinger, he supping on his Aquae Vitae, and me on my glass of finest Japanese owned Tomatin malt whisky.
Eventually a deal was struck - a trade of our most precious resources for theirs.
Five free tee times a week on the Old Course in St Andrews in return for enough oil to run the Edinburgh Trams (underway from 2024) and Scotland's entire fleet of Citylink buses. The bus, together with the trams, will be our priority for transport in the New Caledonia because, after our liberation, the evil dictators in Westminster will no doubt cancel any plans they have to extend their High Speed rail network beyond Preston and Newcastle. So be it my friends. So be it.
Hail Bravebelly
ReplyDeleteMaybe you had too many Aquae Vitae before the first part of the deal was struck.
It was not five free tee times at the Old Course of St.Andrews,it was the whole bloody lot,the whole peninsula-added extra was the Brittish Air strip up the road so we can land over charters.
Sir,you agreed that we could rename it Valhalla.
You better stick to the deal.
Remember one thing Bravebelly-we can row over any time of the year-
we have done that many times before!!
Open your history book Sir
Easy peacy whence the Brits leave.
We also agreed on the sum to be paid,but I did not quite get the taste you wanted on your Skintoes,
was it mint?