Good Morning people of Caledonia - it is I Bravebelly - saviour of the Scottish nation.
You will be delighted to hear that last night's book burning was a roaring success. Bundles of economic data from Westminster and the Tory led Unionist, English press were gathered up and incinerated. No more pesky data to interfere with free flow of populist nationalism.
Dear Joan MacAggro had been particularly thorough. One of her many spies had established that in Hamlet there is a passage referring to the Scots as a nation of drunks. Well, that was it. The complete works of Shakespeare were added to The SNP Banned List and volume upon volume were thrown on the Pyre of Reason.
Funnily enough the subject of nationalism cropped up as we supped our porridge in front of the blaze in Cave Freedom.
Suddenly from the lighter, less shadowy area to the front of our cave, a voice piped up. "Great Bravebelly, why do you think Socrates claimed to be a "Citizen of the World" "?
Well, I thought, this is just too easy, as my comrades watched the shadows from the fire dance on dim recesses of the cave.
"Son" I said in my most condescending voice "When since did anyone care what Brazilian footballers think about nationhood?"
"But Bravebelly, I didn't mean that Soc........" the voice answered.
"Haud yer whisht son. Accept that you don't know what you're talking about and help me with that pile of FT's in the corner."
That, my friends, is how you end a debate.
Bravebelly, not sure I should hail you as that holds some sort of religious overtones...forget burning the FT's, we will need them to wipe your bums. A better idea to heat the cave is to gather some learned lawyers in the cave to thrash out the legality of who owns the oil which will run out and how much of the national debt we will take with us. The length of time that will take should supply you with enough hot air to heat the cave and enough left over to prop up your natural gas industry, now that is inward investment...Slanj!
ReplyDeleteMr Jack
DeleteI have no problem with the religious overtones. In fact, I find them increasingly appropriate as I lead my people into the land of stale bread and water.
Dear Joan MacAlpine was not quite so cheery to receive your missive. Muttered something about sending the boys round to burn down your holiday cottage.
Anyway, I think what you are really trying say is that an independent Scotland would have a bountiful supply of natural gas. That's the headline I'll be using so thank you for your support.
As the final copies of the Pink 'Un burn on the fire I'm settling down for a good read at the GERS Report. That's the one published by the Scottish government for well ....... Scottish government. No Tory led unionist propaganda in there my boy.
Have a good night and dream of freedom!
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteLawyers? Surely we'll be rid of them Bravebelly?!
ReplyDeleteBrooksie. My old mate The Shred did a pretty good job of annihilating the advisory professions back in 2008 so I wouldn't be too concerned about that one.
ReplyDeleteBravebelly it is not just the FT that should give you cause for concern. The front pages of the Biblical Times needs to be exorcized. Oh Dear Joan McAlpine should be ashamed, that's just not cricket 'sending the boys round'. Not really great PR for the promised land... Now that the Sassenachs are threatening to withdraw new air defence, you may want to rethink the use of the extra hot air, a realunch of the R32...? Anyhoo I bet the suits in the English capital are twitching. Scotland will be able to clear her national debt with revenue in the Asian continent from the sale of God's water. Aye. Slanj!
Delete