A NEW CURRENCY FOR A NEW CALEDONIA

 Good morning my battling brethren.

You may have read over he weekend in the Tory led Unionist press that I, Bravebelly, have demanded that our new Scotland marches forward with sterling as our currency. Do not believe their lies.

Brothers and sisters, you will also know the evil Baron Osborne (boo) is threatening to deny me the use of sterling. Something about our inability to provide sufficient support for our two zombie banks should things go badly again. Naturally, we would be utterly mad to go into the Euro (or the New Deutschmark as the wags around here like to call it). With old Mario Draghi flooding the European banks with his "all in" Covered Bond of € 1 trillion someone is set to cop it very badly if the banks revert to type and squander his cheap loans.

So, I have a solution. Never mind sterling or the Euro, I propose minting my very own currency - the Skinto.

There will be a picture of a giant wind turbine on one side and, with much reluctance, a big picture of me on the other. And here's the best bit. I've spoken to the boys at the Tunnocks factory in Uddingston and they have agreed to create four new jobs - minting my new Skintos from eco friendly chocolate. That way, if the international currency markets don't want to buy my Skintos then the people of Scotland can simply eat themselves out of economic hardship.

Coming Soon.........Norwegian trade delegation offers to buy up Princes St in Edinburgh.