ROAD TO NOWHERE

Comrades

I think it is fair to say that I have won the moral debate on Scotland's right to freedom from English thrall and for that reason I agreed to be interviewed on the thorny issue of economics. As you know, my detractors have criticised my desire to base an independent Scotland on a depleting oil resource and a very vague promise of renewable energy.

Having triumphed over Sir Jeremy of Saxo in our interview last week I was more than happy to engage another Englishman, John Auther of Longview. He has been writing pieces about the global economy in one of my banned publications, The Financial Times. This was my chance to get the facts straight. Here is the transcript:

Longview: "Good morning, Mr Bravebelly. As you know I have been writing a number of pieces about the prospects on the global economy, using some of the more obscure London Street names as my theme. Bear St, Prudent Passage etc etc. With which street would you most associate with the economy of an independent Scotland?"

Me: " Thank you, John. Well, before you say it, it certainly isn't the Highway to Hell. Honest. I see it more as a road paved with black gold."

Longview: " I'm assuming that you are referring to the UK oil reserves which you hope to claim for your own?"

Me: "Yes. That is correct. Once we get our oil then we will instantly be the 6th richest country in the OECD".

Longview: "But that's not quite right is it Mr Bravebelly. That statistic you quote takes no account for an independent Scotland's share of the the £ 1 trillion national debt or the £ 180bn of bail out money owed by the two Scottish banks".

Me: "Nothing to do with me. All that was someone elses's fault."

Longview: "You mean that you have based your economic pronouncements on the assumption of none of that debt?"

Me: "Yup."

Longview: "But, in reality, that's never going to happen is it? An independent Scotland will actually be slightly worse off than the remaining UK and will be on an economic par with countries like Slovakia and Romania".

Me: "Oh, stop getting so technical John. Being the 6th biggest economy in the OECD is a great thing to tell the locals and by the time I get round to agreeing to my share of the £ 1.1 trn debt then they'll already have bought my story."

Longview: "Er, right. I see. Another question if I may. London and the South East effectively subsidises the rest of the UK, including Scotland. Under the Barnett formula Scotland automatically receives over 8% of that tax revenue every year. It dwarfs the amount of money Scotland would receive from all of the UK's oil production so by seeking independence are you not simply cutting off your nose to spite your face, especially given the fact that oil revenues will deplete by 75% over the next 10 years?"

Me: "The McGrone Report says that there is enough oil to make Scotland a "new Norway"".

Longview: " But the McGrone Report was written in 1975. That's 37 years ago!  UK oil production peaked in the late 90's and has been in decline ever since."

Me: "You know that. I know that.  But most of my supporters don't know that. I say McGrone Report. They think endless prosperity. Come on John, keep up, this is about politics not reason."

Longview: " Er, right. Your own GERS Report states that an independent Scotland would run an annual deficit of £ 14bn even with the oil revenues. The clear implication is that you are going to need all of the oil revenues to put towards that annual deficit and will therefore be unable to build up a Sovereign Wealth Fund in the same way that Norway has done. In fact you will need to borrow money, cut spending and increase taxes to make up that annual shortfall. Is that not correct?"

Me: "John, or can I call you Johnny. Let me quote you a phrase from the great Rabbie Burns. "Many a Mickle maks a Muckle.""

Longview: "What?"

Me: "In my homespun, couthy way I'm referring to my plans for renewable energy. We are building wind farms, wave farms and already have a great big hot air farm called Holyrood".

Longview: "Do you have any financial figures on your renewables plan Mr Bravebelly?"

Me (whistling): “I’ll take the high road and you take the low road and I’ll be in power before you.”

Longview: "Right. So no figures then?"

Me: " John, Johnny, Johnny lad. Dinnae fash yersel' with concerns over figures. You economists are all the same. This war of independence will be won on emotion, not logic. As long as no one looks at the numbers I'm in Easy Street."

 Longview: "Er, are you sure you don't mean Skid Row?"